Entering the Closet
by jazzy2may
Summary: Joe helps Macleod in a scheme to get his man. Humor & uncomfortable situations abound. Post series. DM/M Slash. Don't like, don't read. Thank you.


**If you dislike stories of this nature, please do not read this story and please do not flame me. **Warning: SLASH (m/m coupling ahead.) **Did the story for a lark! **

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**Entering the Closet**  
Written by: Jazzy

Pairing: DM/M  
(Joe don't do slash) :D

Rating: Not sure (no sex yet) so I guess Late-Teens to Adult would be best.

Disclaimer: Highlander belongs to its creators: Panzer-Davis, Gaumont Productions.

**Summary: Joe pretends to be Mac's lover. If this story makes you uncomfortable feel free to hit the back button. No offense meant. Thank you.**

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PART ONE **

Joe Dawson waited for Macleod to begin.

Preening proudly, Duncan begins. "It started out simple enough. Perhaps not one of my better plans but well executed. Flawlessly executed, if I do say so myself. " He takes a swallow of his beer. 'Where was I? Yes, okay, Kate, sorry, "Faith" and I were having brunch at a Café; one of our usual places. We were sort of dating, I suppose you could call it that, but mainly we were just reacquainting ourselves once more with one another and trying to get back that spark that used to be there, two hundred years ago."

Joe raised an eyebrow.

"The old spark of attraction seemed to be no more. There was nothing there between us anymore. What chemistry there had been - well - fizzle; it was gone. Dried up, blown away. I thought I had loved her, Joe. I thought we would be in love for all of our Immortal lives together. I'm man enough to say it Joe. I was... mistaken."

Joe nodded and topped Duncan's beer approvingly. "Good for you, pal."

"I have come to the new conclusion Joe, yes, its about time Joe, its very simple; its my new theme. No more living in the past. No more Guilt. I've finally taken the lessons to heart that Me-I mean Adam has taught me." Duncan smiles and takes another sip of beer.

"My mantra: No More Guilt. I feel a hundred times better now that I've tossed away my guilty feelings. I have nothing to feel guilty over when it comes to Kate. Things happened, centuries came and went. Her circumstances are her own. Yes, I may have thrust the knife into her heart but she was an Immortal and she would have become one eventually; whether or not I had been the one to do the knifing. I've come to accept that and have made my peace with it. Forcing both of us to try to live in a marriage that's been none existence since I thrust that knife home is pure stubborn idiocy. Those feelings we once had are no more."

"Okay." Said Joe, "That's good. I'm glad you're coming to grips with all of that."

"I thought our feelings would survive the centuries, but I was mistaken. Kate's heart is shut off and mine I find is elsewhere engaged or rather is already occupied by another."

Joe raised both of his eyebrows this time. I could tell he was making notes for my chronicle. He was thinking who might the lucky lady be this time? Mortal, Immortal; who could it be? It was time I got it out in to the open. I took a fortifying swallow of my scotch and grinned. Joe blanched.

"There we were Joe, in the café and I say...

- Flashback -

"Kate, sorry, Faith, I have something to say. Now I know it might be upsetting…." (Aside to Joe int he present. Duncan explains, "I practiced this speech a hundred times But what came out of my mouth was nothing like what I had planned." Joe nodded. Made a few soothing comments. Duncan sighed then continued to tell him what happened.)

-Flashback- Two Weeks ago-

"Kate, Faith, I'm gay."

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Present. Joe chokes on his beer and spits and sputters. 

"Hold on it gets better from there" I tell him.

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Kate stilled and was silent.

Okay, that's good, no fireworks, no tears, just stunned silence. I can handle that. I can live with that. Hold strong Macleod, it will be over very soon. Just keep your bluff on. No more guilt. No more past. It's the future we're after and we plan to play for keeps.

At first she wasn't sure exactly what it was she was hearing. She had lived long enough and been in the fashion industry just about as long, sometimes she thinks even longer than she was alive. So she was not ignorant or naive about men who come out of the closet. She just never expected Duncan Macleod of the Clan Macleod to be one of those.

"I'm sorry dear, what are you saying exactly?" she asked still reeling from being stunned so spectacularly. I saw that she still wondered in the back of her mind. Was this a joke?

"Listen Kate I know this is hard, not just for you but for me as well. I have been totally unfair to you. I loved you and for a long time I was ignorant of who I was. I mean think back, what did people do to sodomites in those days? Even if I'd had some inkling of what I was I would have been pressed to admit it to myself back in those days. I mean if I had come out back then, I probably could have been stoned to death or burned alive, tortured to death at the very least. I wont say it was just cowardice. I had some fondness for women but not to the degree I have for men."

"So, you're saying you're…. you're….gay?" she asked numbly, the dawning of acceptance just around the corner. I could see she was finally getting it. This is not a joke. He's not playing me for a fool. She looked long into my eyes and knew I was speaking the truth.

"Yes, exactly."

"The home decoration business, the cooking, your good taste in fashion, your foppish behavior from some centuries ago; these all should have been clues." She murmured. Eyes glazed with the understanding that yes, Duncan Macleod of the Clan Macleod was gay.

-End flashback-

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"I took the hits to my now nonexistent masculinity. We found a church and did the petition thing, paid a few hundred pounds, wrote up the divorce papers, under irreconcilable differences. I check marked the little box marked Homosexual."

"On the ride to the airport she asked me if I had a partner; at first I was going to tell her it was an immortal but as I looked into her eyes I knew she wouldn't take that knowledge well. She would probably try to hunt down the man who I'd been having my non-existing fling with and then she would have lost or he would have lost and I couldn't handle the death of another friend or lover. So I said."

Duncan smiled one of his best and sweetest smiles from his arsenal of charm.

Joe Dawson stilled. Joe felt a warning beginning in his now rarely used survival instincts. Sensing danger he began to back up. The wall halted his movements, the clink of bottles as he bumped against the display made him go perfectly statue still. He waited for Macleod to drop the bomb. He hadn't survived Vietnam for nothing. He had some instincts.

"No." he protested weakly. Shaking his head in denial, wringing out the cleaning cloth in his hands in misery.

"God dammit!" he cried peeved. "You did!"

He flung the cloth at Duncan's head. Duncan ducked.

"Come on Joe, you know I had to." He said hands up in a placating gesture. Joe was fuming. "You're the only one who knows me as well as only a friend or lover could. I couldn't take the chance if she decided to investigate it. I told her we'd been together nearly forty years that you are mortal and please don't hurt my Joe." MacLeod smirked happily. "She was nice about it all Joe. But I do have to ask you if I can please move in with you, just in case she decides once the whole shock of it settles to investigate the truth of my claims. You don't know her like I do Joe. She's a shrewd business woman. She'll investigate."

Joe finally capitulated asking weakly. "Why? Why do I let you do these things to me?" whining. "How do I fall for your lame brain schemes? How did you survive Four hundred years when your plans rarely succeed?"

"Oh Joseph, you know you love me." said Duncan grinning like mad, batting his eyes at Joe playfully.

Joe let out a strangled gurgle then went back to his bar cleaning.

"You won't regret this Joe. I promise. I'll be your virtual slave until Kate gives up. I promise anything you want or need; I am at your beck and call."

"Just get out of my bar. Move in, do whatever you want, just get out of my bar." Joe hissed.

Duncan did a very complicated very graceful bow. "As my master commands." He smiled and laughed then was gone from the bar.

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**Some weeks later - ****Back at Joe's Apartment**

Disgruntled, exasperated, Joe looks over his computer and scowls at the object of his angst, the bane of his existence, the thorn in his side, the migraine in his head.

The Scot was merrily cleaning, humming some opera tune or other, vacuuming, dusting, dressed in an apron that no man would wear who was in his right mind. Obviously Duncan wasn't in his right mind otherwise he wouldn't be here and Joe wouldn't be in this situation he was in now.

Even staring at the words on his screen he still couldn't believe how he had come to this, gotten into this situation.

Muttering, "Just minding my own business, minding my bar and my guests and in comes Duncan Macleod of the clan Macleod, waltzing into my bar like a swan floating in out of the turbulent weather to swim in the glory of my whiskey. My Immortal, mine now in a totally new meaning of the word mine." He shuddered.

This was not right. Joe did not swing that way and neither did Macleod. Yet even he wasn't blind. Macleod was declaring himself gay and was planning something else in that manipulative scheming brain of his. Scheming something which Joe was almost afraid to imagine but suspected it had something to do with Methos.

"Ah jeez! Will it never end?" he asked of no one in particular except maybe God. He looked up to the heavens from his computer screen.

"No one is going to believe this report. Even I don't believe it and I'm living it." He hissed.

Duncan stopped mid dusting to blink at Joe's antics. He quickly went from dusting to mother-henning in a blink of an eye. He grabbed a plate full of cookies and a pot of coffee and set them down on the desk next to Joe's elbow.

"Are ye alright Joseph? Can I do anything ta help. Does your back hurt? Do ye want me ta rub it for ye?"

Brown doe eyes alight with true concern and care gazed into Joe's blue eyes and Joe faltered. He was weak. He was weak, so weak, who could withstand that look? He'd seen Methos falter under it. So he really shouldn't brow beat himself so hard for it.

He nibbled on the cookies and drank his coffee as Duncan rubbed his back chattering on about his day and his plans and Joe just ate and relaxed under the gentle ministrations. Mac had truly gifted hands. Sensitive but strong, with a deft and perfect touch to sooth his muscles and make his brain stop working.

Mac's no genius and his acting's appalling but somehow we were pulling off our "relationship" to the expectations of Kate and others. A strategist Mac ain't, not usually anyway, he's a good leader, he's canny, he's a fast learner, and he adapts to his environment pretty well. He's survived four hundred years as an Immortal on good looks, a kind disposition, and killer sword fighting skills. Mac's kindness often gets him into trouble. He falls in love often and his heart breaks often, so often you wonder how he could survive all of it.

He's a walking breathing tragedy. But he still opens his heart and continues to love and be loved in return by many. He's compassionate, naïve, almost innocent still in some ways, I mean who else would just take in so many people give them his couch and believe they wont take his head because they said they wouldn't? He was taken advantage of most easily and most often by his dearest and closest friends.

He's not a saint by any means, but a good man, a lonely man who was so enthralled and deeply in love with a cynical older Immortal it was bound to be another tragedy in the making. But if it worked out the two of them could probably live very happily together for centuries maybe even be the gay equivalent of the DeValincourts. Joe wasn't blind. He knew Methos was in love and fighting it. Macleod's nerve though seemed to falter around Methos.

"Faint heart never won fair gentleman, Mac. You need to make a move and soon."

"Och! Joseph, its noht time yet." Protested Macleod. "ye can't rush these things and Kate's still keeping an eye on the place ya know."

He's lived in denial for so long and then pops-in this 5k Immortal and Mac's suddenly jonzing for a hawk-eyed, big nosed sweet faced devil. God, Methos give it up, give in already. Give'm some loving and he'll come easily wagging his bushy tail behind him, bright eyes and eager to give you all of himself to your hand.

"Yeah I know. But if I'm the one encouraging you I'm sure she'll think its romantic. Mortal lover dying urges Immortal lover to take up with someone who will be there with him through the end of time or at least until the gathering comes to an end and the ONE is victorious."

"Tch, och now,Joseph we're trying not to play a tragedy here. Don't go jinxing me before I've even won him over yet."

"Well it's the truth Mac. I want you to be happy and with Methos. He's where you belong." (And out of my hair and out of my home and maybe my life will get back to normal and I can have some peace at work and at the bar and well just some peace.)

"Aye, well, that's up to Methos. I don't think he's ready to make such a huge commitment Joe. He hasn't even bothered to acknowledge what we share for one another is more than just friendship. Until he can come to terms with that there's no moving towards the future with him not until he's ready."

Damn I'm going to miss him. Okay, not the singing while he cleans but I am going to miss him. I'm going to miss the way he took good care of me and the way he cooked everything so perfectly. I'll miss his book reading with a lamp on while I'm trying to sleep moments. I'm going to miss his constant chatter.

Okay, yes, we sleep in the same bed at the moment just to make it all look good in case we get spied on at night. He's warm. He's a teddy-bear. Okay at first I didn't care for it much I mean, hello! Straight man here.

But Mac was a perfect gentleman. He even put a bundle board between us so I could feel more comfortable, over time though, I didn't need it. I knew I wasn't going to have any moves played on me. Mac's desires were for Methos only.

But it was nice to snuggle up to a guy who could put out heat like a campfire oven, my gas bill certainly went down with Mac in my bed I didn't need the extra heat; if anything I had to actually have the windows open and our covers turned into a sheet, singular. Mac never seemed to mind having me snuggled into his broad back, luxuriating in the heat he gave off. That was just another clue to me that Mac was made for Methos.

The old man was like a lizard. He needed to bask in heat, he was never happy unless his home was 80 degrees or if it was summer time. Methos was disgustingly chipper when it was summer time. The old man seemed to live for the volcanic levels of heat that came about in the summer time.

I was going to miss having Methos for a guest in me and Duncan's home. I was going to miss all the bantering between the two of them. I was going to miss all the flirting between them when they finally became a couple I would be happy but be sad all at the same time because dam, Duncan had grown on me. I had liked him before as my Immortal assignment but now after a few short months living together I wasn't sure how I was going to live without him.

But then I thought of all the pretty ladies I could finally charm and maybe have a lady friend at last to call my very own. To finally have my home for my own again, no more noise in the kitchen no more late night ponderings no more broody silences. No more pros or cons. I couldn't wait for Duncan and Methos to get together and for my life to just be my own again.

Joe can't believe he's actually doing this. The watchers were on him like sour cream and chives on a hot potato. How did he or Macleod explain this situation to the Watchers?

The watchers were giving Joe a lot of teasing over the matter and a few were seriously not happy with him for getting even more involved with his assignment than was necessary or particularly healthy for him or for the watchers.

"You know Duncan wears glasses when he reads, maybe he forgot them this time and marked the wrong box." Joe lied, trying to get some of the watchers including Adam Pierson off his back.

"Oh but Joe, he makes such a cute wife." Snickered Methos downing another lager.

Joe glared at his protégé and secret assignment. "That's easy for you to say, you've lived with him off and on for the last three years." he snapped out. "I mean, I shouldn't complain. I really shouldn't. I'm making out like a bandit here. He pays for everything out of his own pocket. He cleans and fixes my house up. He's a great cook. I've never eaten so well in all my life not even my mama, god bless her and keep her, could cook half so well as Macleod can. I've never liked going home for dinner and now its all I think about, dinner, lunch, breakfast, snacks. I think its true what they say about a man and his stomach. I'm weak, he offers me a t-bone and I'm putty in his hands." Come on Methos, take the bait, take it, you know you want to.

Methos frowned. "What do you mean? What has he asked you to do for all of the food he's feeding you? "

"Nothing." He spits out. "Nothing I'm going to share with you anyway." dammit Macleod, I can't' believe I'm doing this for you. "It's not my fault you always miss out on Duncan in a good mood. When he's in a super good mood its five course meals, Methos." I feel like a pimp or someone's matchmaker. But if I get this done then Macleod will move out. "Juicy meat, delectable vegetables, fine alcoholic beverages, delightful baked goods, like French silk pie to die for. I think Mac has missed his calling. He should be a chef, no a five star baker. No, a ten star!"

"There are no such things as a ten star chef, Joe. But if there were you'd rate him that high?" asked Methos, feeling a slight disquiet. He wasn't sure what it was he was feeling. Jealousy? But jealousy of what? The food? Mac in a good mood? Joe's attentions?

"Talk to ya later Me- cough-Adam."

Methos stewed for a bit at the bar nursing his fourth bottle a pensive frown on his sharp features. A hooded eagle gazing far into his thoughts unaware of his surroundings or the beer growing warm in his hands.

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**TBC **(originally posted on HL-X-Roads. I did a small revision and decided to post it here.) :D  
Final part coming soon... Feel free to review if you like?  



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